So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
