it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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