tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
