If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
