i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
