3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
