so explain again why im purple
no
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
