I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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