We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
