If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
