did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
