There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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