Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
