um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
