don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
