was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need to calm my uterus...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
