im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
