I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
