I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
