two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes