It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"