she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this will be a night to untag.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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