But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
