I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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