Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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