i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
