I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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