Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
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She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.