K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
