Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!