you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
