So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
