I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
