Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
