if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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