She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
