I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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