I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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