Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
