why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
