What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
