becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
do nipples grow back?
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