dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
