Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
