he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
