just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let's paint friendship bongs
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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