i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
