Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
