I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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