i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
