so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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