someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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