i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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