he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
