Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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