I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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