Jerry, you need to find god
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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