Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
