All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
