I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
