I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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