I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
