We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
