I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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