Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
