that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
